I take my decisions on the fly – and I love making choices that way. I’m one of those people who trust their gut on absolutely everything, from what to have for dinner to which person to stay away from. But sometimes, I take a step back – I detach and evaluate a situation, a person, a purchase – and that’s when the real problem begins.
Today’s conundrum is this: next year is a part of my course supposed to be spent abroad, in the country in which either of the languages I’m studying is spoken.
I can do so either by working (if I find myself a suitable job) or studying, as part of the ERASMUS scheme. And I can either go to Spain or France, or submit an exemption letter – in which case, if it is accepted, I’ll stay here and graduate a year early. So far so good, except this time, I (you guessed it!) decided to assess the situation rather than making a snap decision either way.
And that, my friends, was a major mistake.
I will lay out the pros and cons here, and here’s hoping writing my choices out will help me decide.
1. Going vs. Staying here:
The year abroad represents one language stage of the course. I’m currently Stage 5 for both, so going away will ensure I will be in Stage 7 in one of the languages upon my return, and in Stage 6 for the other (which is the minimum requirement for a language named in the title of my degree.) If I don’t go, I will have progressed to Stage 6 in both, which is still fine, but not as stellar a performance as I would hope for. Moreover, it’s supposed to be a fantastic opportunity to…well, to bugger off and gather some life experience in another culture, really. Quite frankly – been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
On the other hand, going would mean I leave a support network of people (not the least of which my partner, who I live with) behind at a time in my life when I cannot rely on my family for emotional support, purely because they’re so engrossed in personal drama and work that I highly doubt they’d have the energy to deal with my shit, and mark my words, there will be a lot of it. There always is – the harder I try to live a life as void of drama as possible, the more of it crops up literally everywhere. C’est la vie.
On top of that, if I stay, I will get to graduate a year early – which is good, considering I wasted a year already, and would much rather get my degree so I can go out in the world and work (which would help with saving money for an MA in something I’d really like to spend the rest of my life doing.)
2. Spain vs France:
This one is pretty much decided already: if I go, it would be to France, since I feel much less confident in my french than I do in spanish, and if I’m gonna spend a year abroad, it might as well make itself useful in helping me acquire knowledge and confidence, rather than affirming (and slightly building on) the knowledge and confidence I already have. So France it is!
3. Studying vs Work:
This is the main concern I have about going at all. It is true that my fees will be waived for both universities if I go to study, and I’ve already found a course in Belgium which will actually help towards my future, but I’d rather spend the year working – which, obviously, for someone who hasn’t graduated yet (and even despite the amount of experience I have and the CV I’ve built up) is practically impossible. But I do remain hopeful and I am looking.
Deadline’s the 23rd of this month, but the sooner I get this sorted, the better. Yikes…
Question 1: Could you find a job for the three-month summer in France, thus improving your French, earning a bit of money, but not having to take a whole year to do so?
Question 2: Does your partner know where he wants to be the year after next (ie. the year you’d get back) and does that have any bearing?
Don’t feel you have to answer those out loud, but they’re another couple of things to throw into the mix…
1. In theory, yes. There are 3-month internships I could do (pending the acceptance of my application) but I’d have to get the exemption first, and that’s a long shot, considering they’re mostly given on medical grounds. Thing is, if I am exempt, then presumably I’d have to enter into a discussion with the university as to what to do, because I’d still have to do the project that is part of the year abroad assessment. So this will be sorted, provided my exemption request is granted.
But if it is not, I risk losing my ERASMUS university place and having to go to a course I’m not interested in in the middle of nowhere (which will be less than optimal.) And I can’t apply for work placement and student status simultaneously, so if neither the exemption nor the job routes work out, I will be stuck having to go to whatever uni place is left.
2. Nope. He has literally no plans whatsoever, aside from that he’d like to do an MA – he has no idea what subject, or where he’d like to do it. Moreover, he insists that I pay no attention to what his “plan” is and just do what’s best for me, but I’ve no idea what that would be.
Reading through your post again, I get the feeling that you know what you want to do, really. Am I right?
I think the most optimal course of action would be to go and study. It’s less than ideal in that it won’t be very lucrative and it would mean I spend a year longer getting the degree, but (provided I am accepted on the course I want to do) it would be a “leg up” towards the MA, and that’s always handy.
But on the other hand, ERASMUS students are generally party animals, which is absolutely not my cup of tea.
Also, I’m pretty scared that I wouldn’t want to come back.